I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
