I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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