We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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