There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
