What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
