I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
