Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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