Dude my mom stole all your condoms
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
