I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
