I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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