Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
