He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
