Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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