But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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