New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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