Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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