i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
