he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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