Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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