So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
