If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well I just put wine in my tea
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
