dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How does one acquire holy water?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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