We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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