I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
