yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
