he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
