I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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