What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
