Can Purell be used as lube?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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