You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
