1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
