I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
