"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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