You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dignity is for republicans.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
