why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
