hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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