Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
