Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When are your genitals available?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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