My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
