he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
