We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
