Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
