everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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