Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
