Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
