Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
