Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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