Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
In America we eat man semen.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
