I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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