My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
soo... how was my night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
